3:17am

what we have isn't exactly a fairy tale story. all the laughter and smiles aren't even half of the real deal. we argue more than anything and i'm really getting sick&tired of it. if i don't want to go out, please appreciate&respect my decision and don't put a guilt trip on me. I just don't want to go. we argue about the smallest things, the bigger things, the more stupid things.. we argue about food, we argue about where to go, what to do, we argue about anything and everything.

from the beginning i told you that i hated to argue and fight. but that's all we do. it's not normal for us anymore. it was ur resolution but look at us. you talk to me like i'm a fuckin guy. like you wanna call me out. "fuck you this" and "fuck you that" "ur a fuckin liar" "hey bitch.. blah blah". every argument, you blame on me. that i make it worse. i don't. i reason with you and when i do, you take it as arguing with you and you begin to throw F-bombs in every sentence. i, in turn, get mad and throw some F-bombs at you as well in my defense.

ughz. we talked about our differences and why we argue. and i thought we understood each other. but i guess not.

I just found out that you didn't stop with your girls until during our 3rd-4th month a couple of nights ago. i felt betrayed and lied to.. and it makes me think, what if he didn't stop 3-4 months? what if he's still doing it? i know we live together and everything but we have our own secrets. you met me on myspace, so why can't you hide someone else from me like how you hid her away from me &how you hid me away from her.

it's not fair to find these things out so late in time. I gave him all of me. I chose him over another. I stopped flirting with other guys and then this? I feel that there's so much more he hasn't told me since we've been together and I feel that I might not really know him as much as i do.

I don't want to be taken advantage of or taken for granted. If it's money you want, then I'll help you in anyway I can. If you need a place to stay you can keep staying here. If you need company I'll still be your friend. But please, if you're reading this, stop what you're doing if you're doing anything at all.

When I asked you why you said you love me and how you knew you did, you said you didn't know. How do i know when you say you love me now that you're not just saying it? How do i know if you just love me or if you're in love with me? There's a lot of things that make me re-think our relationship. and that happens to be one of them.

please stop arguing with me. it's not doing us any good. the next time i ask you why you love me and how you knew, please give me an answer because if you still don't know, then i'll know you don't love me at all.