30weeks3days

I blogged yesterday about how hard life is for me and Tupes right now and I felt that I should blog more often. To let things out of my system instead of keeping everything cooped up inside.. you know?

I woke up this morning to use the bathroom and it seems to me that it's starting to be a daily routine. It doesn't matter how late I go to bed, I always get up to pee around 7. After I relieve my bladder, I go back to bed.. and stare at the walls and ceiling. I can NEVER go back to sleep after that, I have no idea why.

Well this morning was different. I knew why I couldn't go back to sleep. I, for some reason, thought of how far along I am in my pregnancy and well.. I realized I only have 8 weeks left. Saying "2 months" instead of "8 weeks" makes the time seem longer.. but hearing myself say "8 more weeks? 8 more weeks??! 8 more weeks...." damn sure got me nervous & scared.

I swear to you, so many things ran through my mind -- labor and delivery, breastfeeding.. what if she doesn't like breastmilk? How big will she be? Will she even fit through my pelvis? Will I be able to take the pain? -- I had all these thoughts in mind that I just had to get up and do something; so I cooked me some breakfast.. HA.

But really though, how will I be during labor? How will I take the pain? All these things are hitting me and it's making me real nervous. 8 weeks is not too far away. I can actually POP anytime now.. just hope I don't though. September 26 is the date I'm praying to God, he'll give me my babygirl.. It's my mom's birthday, so I hope He's listening kus it'll be the best day ever for the three of us.

I don't know.. I guess it's just that time to count my weeks down and wait for that flush of fluid. Next thing I know, she'll be out & in my arms. Just biting my nails about the process I have to go through, yikes. As of now, I'll take things one day at a time and enjoy these last few weeks as me; kus I know I'll miss it. But really tho..

8 MORE WEEKS?!!!

Audrie - 30weeks2days

You came unexpected. I wasn't really doing anything with my life and neither was your daddy when we found out we're going to have you. I didn't expect how hard things would get for the three of us.. but here we are, struggling.

I'm sorry I don't feed you too often; there's no food to feed you. Daddy does his best to work as much as he can to support us, but even working everyday can't help us right now. All our money goes to rent and debt, the people we owe, and gas to take daddy to work.

I'm sorry I'm not taking better care of you. I can barely take care of myself. I hope you understand.. Promise things will get better. Just hang in there and don't give up, for us.. because I'm all ready to. But I won't, for you.

UUUPPPDAAATEE!!!

ok sooo i have been wayyyy M.I.A-ing it for like 4mons now. it's about that time i come back on this thing and blab a little.

ok so for the past 4mons, i moved from fullerton to a house in la, then to another spot just last week after my 21st bday. i basically don't even know HOW to begin this blog because there's just been tooo many things that happened within the timeframe and idk which to pick out and talk about.

SUMMER BREAK:
did alotta beach trips this year.. mostly to venice tho. idk why. ahah. my bro and kayla [his gf] came down a couple times to visit. oh! btw, did i mention that tupes got my car impounded for 30days? ughz.. it was my fault tho. i let him drive.. stoofeed me. blahh. but anyway.. aside from that.. beaches and chillin was basically all we did this summer other than moving. ughz.. such a hassle. i hate moving.
iiii have been M.I.A from school too. bad, yes, i know. but my plannn was to find a job before summer ends to just work and save up money for a while since i moved out to LA. i thought there'd be helluva job opps out here.. well, there is.. its just.. i can't get a damn job! ughz.. soooo sick and tired of being effin broke. other than not being able to find a real job, i'm babysitting tupes' nieces, katelyn&kamille until i do find one. tupes' on the other hand, is working at the family video store. good for him. but i still need a job!!

FALL:
tell me whyyyy right when it hits october.. it ALWAYS has to rain. like i remember back in high school, the homie dante said something real funny about the month turning into october and the weather being all bad or something. well anyway LOL. just random thought there. umm ok. soooo basically.. my bday week was pretty hectic. i started planning on my 21st bday shindigs like.. a month before.. maybe two. but i had toonnnns of funnnn.
-oct. 7 my family came to la as a "surprise", but i totally already knew. LOL. that night, i PLANNED on having dinner at boiling crab, some bomb ass crawfish restaurant, but that didn't pull through. so instead, when they came.. me and tupers took em to sunday bistro and had dinner there. ading didn't like his food, but i hope my mom&don did. LOL.
-oct. 8 we allll went to disneyland! how fun is that?!! i already knew my mom and them were gunna end up coming with us too kus, heller, wth were they going to do that whole day?? sooo, disneyland was a whole bunch of coolies. we took kate&kamille along with us too. we all had so much fun ahah. and later on that night, abi came and we went to the club. me, being 21, the bouncer gave me a heart instead of a circle. ahah. how niiice. not much to tell about that night, turning 21 just gives it away. i was fuuuuuuucked up!! ughz. tell me why within the span of 30min, from the moment i got inside level 3, i couldn't remember anything else that happened that night?!! let's see.. crystal welcomed me with a double shot of henny, then myron with a double shot of mixed 151 AND jager [ughz YUCK!], then after thaaat, geo bought me an adios! wowwww. ok all of THAT in just minutes apart.. talk about adios mutha fuckaaaa!!!
-oct. 9 i was tooooo hung over to drink again, when i planned on goin to highlands. but good thing i didn't kus abi wasn't 21 anyway. so we just chilled with kristine, MG, & zixin + bfs and ate at rockin crawfish then saw the scariest movie everrrr, paranormal activity. oyyyy. that movie haunts me until nowwww. it's just too damn freaky. overall, GREAT night out with friends and their bfs :]]]
-oct. 10 i had a party at ashley's. got my bottle of hpnotiq STOLEN that night and guess by whom. MARJAI AND ASHLEY! ughz.. seriously.. i'm annoyed by them every since.
-oct. 11 i had a bbq at the house we were stayin at. that was our last weekend there.. sooo i just wanted it chill and just with close friends. it was just with kristine and them. pretty chill. i felt bad for tony tho.. LOL. he became the cook for some weird reason. he kina just.. took over. ahaha. oh! and darn MG for those mind games! gosh. makes people feel stupid yanno??? ahahha. and that night.. we planned on going to universal on the 23rd for fright fest. yayyy. ima be scared shitless over there. ahah. oh well!! funnn times with friends!

whewww. sooo i guess that's an overview of some things that happened. me and bubbas had our 19mons 2days ago. i felt bad because we didn't spend the day together. he was at work, and i was suppose to be there to just chill and hang around.. but i haven't really been eating lately, so i felt super sick and weak, plus i had a fat ass headache. blahhh. it's all good tho. we both know we love each other. :]]] HAPPY 19mons BUBBAS!!

ummm.. other than thaaaattt.. i've just been catching up with some old friends!! ughz. feels reeeaaal good to reconnect with them. been catching up with absterz tooo. yeeeumps. *sigh. good friends they areee. :]]]

this is a long blog.. probably the longest i've done? nahh idk. but it deserves to be since i haven't been on this thing in a whiiiile. ahah.
mmk. that's it for now. getting sleepy. blahhhh.
gnight.


♥piapiaaa

ITEMS FOR SALE!

I am moving and I can not bring everything with me. I have plenty of furniture to sell as well as interior decor. Some items won't be available to pick up UNTIL my last day here; these items are indicated.

items for sell are listed below: [some items not pictured]
-2door fridge: $500 O.B.O [available to pick up 06/28]
-large corner couch: $20
-lounge seat/chairs wtv u call em: $30/ea.; $50 for both

-mattresses: twin mattress: $30 [available to pick up 06/28]
-radio: $25

-stools: $15/ea; $25 for both

-6cup rice cooker: $20

-outdoor glass table: $15

-plate set: $40 consists of 6 plates, 6 sm. plates, 4 regular bowls, 1 lg bowl, & 5cups

-plastic lawn chairs: $3/ea.

-interior decor: $3+ ea.


-lamps: floor lamp: $10; desk lamp: $5

-fan: $15 [available to pick up 06/28]

-grill: $25

-hose: $15

-and a tub of great fashionable clothes [men, women, kids]: prices vary for ea. item in tub


IF INTERESTED IN ANY ITEM FOR SALE; CONTACT ME AT 209 351 4255.

......

i don't really know what's gunna happen. i don't want to give up.. but it seems like someone already has. things are different and we both know it. and it won't be fair to hold on if the other already let go. it's a hard process to go through.. wondering if the end is coming soon.

we have our differences and our similarities.. and our similarities are the things that get in the way. we're too much a like for our own good. we butt heads because of it.. and because we butt heads, we're drifting apart. i don't want us to be but i can't help it. i can't save us if he's not willing to be saved.

that's all i have to say. nothing will change if we don't agree to change to make us better. i don't know what else to look forward to anymore. other than another argument the day after next. it's overwhelming and neither of us can take it.

you've obviously never been in a relationship like this. a relationship that requires patience, trust, honesty. and loyalty. i'm just sick and tired of hearing the same bullshit over and over. idk.. idk what's left..

"so what we gon have? dessert or disaster?"

... disaster.

you just ended it.

his words

him (4:57:16 PM): only reason why i trip out so much and take things up the ass is because ur with ur ex. and i kno for a fact u would be da same too. things like dat get to me no matter what. and why i stick with u cuz ur da only one dat has treated me like da best. like im worth being with. ok yeah i do turn things around and im sryy. dats jst me. if u cant deal wit it then dnt. i love to deal with all da bullshit u give me. shows dat u do love me. and i wish u feel da same. me doin all da shows i really do love you. and like what i sed i wnt end it cuz i dnt want to. i want us to be together for a long time. as in a long ass time ! we both need to work on more things. i thought it was it but i guess we have alot as in alot to work on. so yeah. im not leavin u. and i promised and swore to u alredy dat i wnt. so i hope ur not jst giving up like dat. i love you jst remember that ok ! always ! and dat comment i wrote u, "this will be the first and last time we leave eachother like dis for so long even tho its only 5 days." now we know how shit is when we are apart. i never want this to happen again. im sryy for i hurt u and shit. its all out of love babe. and i jst wish u say sryy too instead of goin at it with me when we argue. cuz u kno im always like dis. and what do i do i always so sryyy. so yeah. ill see u later on tonight. sryy. i love and miss you so much babe. mwauhs. plzz come home safe. i misss you... =/

away message

without trust.. there is no love.



i do trust you
therefore i love you.

believe it or not.
you make me feel the greatest and the
lowest scum on earth all in one day.
you're a challenge and i
like challenge.
but enough is enough
and i can only handle so much.
please leave if this is how you feel.
i won't stop you.